IF GOD COULD SPEAK, WHAT WOULD HE/SHE SAY

THE AUTHOR’S BACKGROUND


I was born on March 1, 1944 at 5:23AM. I was recently told the time by my “guide.” My childhood was spent in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, which is now called “The Odessa of America” because of all the Russian Jewish immigrants who settled there.

Born of a man who spent most of his life as a taxi driver and a woman who was a housewife, at the age of 5 I contracted poliomyelitis. In the hospital I was called “The Vunder Kindt” because supposedly I was the only child in Brooklyn who survived the 1949 epidemic. This happened 58 years ago, so my mind is very unclear as to thedetails involving this illness. I do know that for years thereafter my mother would take me twice a year to a hospital, once for X-rays and once for an examination. This continued until I was 16. It was only recently that my mom, who died some years ago, told me that doctors had informed her that the base of my spine was affected by the polio and that as I got older the degeneration of nerves would cause me problems.

For the past six months I have suffered with back pain, and the only relief I could get would be after I took Vicodin or Morphine. On this past New Year’s Eve, I prayed which is my custom at the end of every year. I never asked God for anything for myself but for others, but on the very last night of December 31, 2006 I asked that all my pain would be taken away. One hour later the pain was gone and has not returned.

I was the last of three children and the only boy. Both of my sisters were older than I am: one 10 years and the other 16 years. In fact, my eldest sister was more of a mother to me when I was a baby since I was her charge. I always thought that she resented this, but recently I discovered that her mission in this life was that as a “caregiver,” so her role in my life was set before my birth. I grew up hating my father. He treated me as if I did not exist, for both he and my mother were not prepared to have a third child. In fact, when the doctor told my mom she was pregnant with me she said that it was impossible. She was 37 at the time and my dad was 44. Looking back on those years, I am now certain that my parents knew I was a homosexual, but of course this was never discussed.

One incident I will never forget. In my late teens I often went to Greenwich Village, which in the late 1960s was a haven for “beatnicks.” I guess I was rebelling my life at the time. One night I went to a party and met a very handsome Afro-American. Whatever possessed me to give him my home address I will never know. The next morning, he rang the bell of my parents house. They were to visit one of my sisters that day, and so they left me alone with him. They never asked me who he was or what he was doing at the house. They knew but could not face the truth. It would have been so easy for me had they asked me if I were gay, for I would not have denied it. Before I met the woman who was to be my future wife, I often went to gay bars. In the early 1960’s homosexuality was looked at very differently than it is now. I remember walking back and forth in front of the entrance to the bar before I had the courage to walk in. I did not know what to expect. When I did bolster the courage to go in, all I saw were several men drinking and milling around. I always had a high self-esteem, so I was not worried about rejection, as most gay people do. I would casually walk over to a handsome man who was standing alone not talking to anyone, and I would start a conversation. In those days the “package” was more important than the inside of the “box.“ I was always a friendly person, and that man and I would have a nice conversation. I always left with the most handsome man in the bar, and not because I was handsome. Far from it. But I knew how to talk.

I was closest to my mom during my formative years, and she would spend money on me without telling my dad. Even though she had thought of getting an abortion, in those days it was dangerous and she was talked out of doing this by my dad’s sisters. Later on, she was glad she did not do that for she did love me, and I believe loved me more than she did my sisters. After all, I was the only boy!

I worked for the telephone company as a manager for 19 years; I married and 10 years later was legally divorced. I could not live a double life, and felt it unfair to my wife not being able to be a husband in the true sense of the word. During the time of marriage, my wife and I adopted a 2 year-old inter-racial boy, who the adoption agency had told us was “difficult” to adopt. In those days, a Caucasian couple adopting a “mixed” child was very unusual. In almost 30 years later, I really became to know my son during a time when he visited me. Prior to that visit I had not seen him for four years.

In the mid-1980s I was making a handsome salary, but I was never a “saver.“ Each time I realized how unhappy my life was, I would go to a department store and buy something, something a bit costly. And after each purchase, I was happy for so very short a period of time. This became a habit. But, when I decided to leave the United States to seek happiness and fulfillment in my life, I invited all my friends and family members to my apartment and told them to take anything they wanted. All those expensive items I had purchased meant nothing to me anymore.

One cannot find happiness through “a thing.“ I believe that men like the founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, purported to be the richest person in the world, does not work to attain wealth and fame. He loves what he does, and the money is not such an important thing in his life. Another example is Ophra Winfrey, who, never forgetting her poor childhood, donates much money to worthy charities. At present, she is having built in South Africa a school for girls. She is very well aware that the future of the African continent will be in the hands of women.

Then my life, whatever there was of it, changed when I bought and sold my cooperative apartment in Manhattan. I had all this money to do what I wanted. Because I was not a happy person, I needed to find someplace in the world where I could find happiness, so, with all that “found” money, I decided to travel around the globe. I had done much traveling prior to that, but it was mostly in Europe or the Caribbean. So, I made a list of every country in the world I wanted to visit, submitted the list to a travel agent and in April, 1986 I was sitting in first class of a Quantas jet on my way to Papeete, Tahiti.

I will never forget the “bon voyage” party given for me at Kennedy Airport. So many of my friends and family were there. We drank champagne and they toasted to my success in my travels. But, now when I look back at that occasion I realize that each of them was angry for they all felt I was abandoning them. They all wanted me to stay a part of their lives, but what about my life? I had to find that one place in the world in which I would be happy.

After several months of traveling the South Pacific islands, Japan, Hong Kong, mainland China, I landed at Bangkok’s International Airport in October of 1986. I had planned to stay for only one month and continue onto Myanmar, but something happened to me in Thailand. I did not know at the time that the plan for my life which was set prior to my birth was that I would stay in Thailand 14 years, only to discover who and what I really am. I never got to Myanmar. Understand, that to me Thailand is the most spiritual country in the world. Most Thai people are Buddhist by faith, and it was there I discovered “True Buddhism.” Spirit houses abound
throughout Thailand, for the Thai believe that even in death the spirit needs
a place to rest.

I have discovered that nothing in life happens by coincidence, and so the day that I met an Italian man as I was reading in the open area housed with picnic tables at the apartment building in which I was living at the time was no accident. How we started a conversation about religion I cannot remember, but he told me that he is a true Buddhist and for some reason I discovered this to be very interesting. Throughout our life there are signposts leading us to our destiny, and this was a signpost for me. The next evening a Thai man and a Japanese woman came to speak to me about true Buddhism, of which I knew nothing. I did know that the belief in a Creator was against that religion, and since I believe in God I was not sure whether to continue the conversation or not. I was told that I can still believe in a Creator and be a true Buddhist, and I was told that in true Buddhism the members chant “Nam Myoho-Renge Kyo,” which years later I discovered to be the rhythm of this Universe. And our universe, like all others, is a living entity which beats to a specific rhythm. A person’s life is wonderful when he or she is in sync with the rhythm of this universe.

The following day I started to chant. If I can recall, I chanted for one hour
and afterward felt terrific. The Prozac I had been taking for 2 years I
stopped, and felt better chanting than I felt while I was on that drug. I
became very involved in true Buddhism, buying books written by Daisaku Ikeda, the President of Soka Gakkai, the lay organization for true Buddhism, reading the sutras of Buddha and understanding what I was reading. This was truly a wonderful time of my life. I became a member of a true Buddhist group in Bangkok, called “The Rainbow Group,” comprised of many nationalities of people living in Bangkok. We would meet once a month for discussion in addition to meeting for chanting purposes. I
remember one day I chanted for 12 hours. It was exhausting and exhilarating, both at the same time.

In November of that year, 1997, I was presented with the Gohonzon, which is the symbol of faith for all true Buddhists. I did not know at the time what the true significance of this mandala was, but I do now. It is God’s gift to mankind. Yet Soka Gakkai, the lay organization for true Buddhists, charge for one to have a Gohonzon in the United States. A friend told me that he wanted to become a true Buddhist and have a Gohonzon, but he could not afford to buy it. Why would there be a charge to have a gift from God? My Gohonzon was presented to be in Bangkok, and I was not asked to pay for it. Doesn’t that organization understand that it is doing more harm then good?

I had only been a true Buddhist for a very short period of time, and it was very unusual to be presented with a Gohonzon based on the time I was of the faith. But, once again, this was a signpost for me to follow. I learned the morning and evening prayers and did them every day, often having other members of the faith coming by to pray with me. To this very day, I still say those morning prayers, in addition to many others which were given to me by my “guide.” But now, if someone asks me what faith I follow, my answer is “All or none of them,” for I know they all are based on one concept which we call The Golden Rule. Yes, I believe in the Four Messengers God sent to Earth: Moses, Lord Buddha, the Christ and Muhammad. They all did their best but it was not good enough.

I have discovered that God had one life on Earth, and that life was Nichiren
Daishonin, the founder of true Buddhism. True Buddhists refer to Nichiren Daishonin as the “True Buddha of hon’nin myo” and it is he/she who is “parent, teacher and sovereign.” It is only right that all Buddhists should recognize the Daishonin as the Creator of this Universe. Yet, for some reason which escapes me, they do not consider “the” original energy of this universe as God (Nichiren Daishonin).